Envisioning Hope Read online

  I felt the teardrop fall to my cheek and instinctively moved to swipe it away. My motion halted once more and the now familiar clinking of the bed rail sounded.

  "We're going to do everything we can to get your sight back for you."

  The doctor's voice told me that he knew what was on my mind, but I had to push those thoughts away. I didn't have time for self-pity, I needed answers and I needed them fast.

  "Doctor?" I asked as I turned my head around the room, seeing if I could pinpoint his location in the room.

  "I'm here…"

  I was startled by his soft reply. For some reason, I wasn't expecting it. I turned my head in the direction of his voice. At that moment, it dawned on me. Maybe I didn't want to know about Charlie and Sawyer. They say that no news is good news. If I was now blind from the accident, maybe they were too…or worse.

  I was not going to say it. I was not even going to think that word. I survived and Sawyer was strapped in, facing the back like all the books I read said to do. I just knew he survived. I remembered watching Charlie put on his seatbelt. It's proven that most people involved in car accidents who wore their seatbelts lived to tell others their dark tale. They were fine, probably in the next room. I felt the restraints fall from my wrist as I asked, "When can I see my family?"

  "Mrs. Saxton…I really don't think that's a good idea right now."

  My hands immediately went to my face. I began to feel around for cuts, stitches, anything that would make me look horrendous enough for him not to allow me to see my family. I felt over my cheek…nothing. I moved up, feeling the soft, thin skin of my eyelids. It was like nothing was wrong... until I went to open my eyes.

  "Mrs. Saxton, there is nothing wrong with your appearance. I just think you've had enough for one day. Maybe you should–"

  "Where the hell is my family!" I yelled over him, interrupting his opinion on what I could or could not handle.

  "I'm sorry, Mrs. Saxton, but they didn't make it," Doctor McEwen whispered softly.

  Those words rang through my ears so loudly, I didn't even realize I was screaming until I felt several arms holding me down. Not long after, I felt a small pinch in my arm from a needle entering my skin. Suddenly, the weight of this whole situation hit me with full force and my screams hollowed out, my voice becoming hoarse.

  My family was dead.

  Memories of my past flashed through my mind. I could see the first time I rode a bike. The day my parents gave me my first car. Charlie and my first date…our wedding…Sawyer's birth, the feel of his skin against my breast as I nursed him for the first time, my son playing in the bathtub as though it was the greatest adventure of all time. The smell of his soft hair as it rubbed against my nose. The wave of emotion I felt knowing this was my son, my creation, as I would dip down and breathe in his baby scent.

  Everything that I had ever held dear in my life imploded inside of me, fading away as though it never happened. Along with it, the will to fight.

  To breathe.

  To live.

  My son. Charlie. The loves of my life… they were both gone.

  I had nothing left.

  I didn't need to close my eyes, they were already closed. The only way I knew that the sedative was taking affect was by the sound of my screams continuing to grow softer and softer.

  Chapter 5

  One Year Later

  I poured myself a cup of coffee. There was something about the black, thick syrup that didn't look appealing to me at all but this was going to be a requirement for the workload I had scheduled this morning.

  "Sheldon, in my office in ten!"

  Mr. Cooper screaming across the office could not be a good thing. I looked at my watch as I dumped a heap of powdered milk into the Styrofoam cup full of black goo that was now the color of mud. I knew I was going to regret throwing this down the back of my throat in about twenty minutes.

  "Sure thing, boss," I mumbled softly as I turned around to head back to my office. Just as I was about to head in, Mr. Cooper expressed his feelings on how I was not moving fast enough.

  "What didn't you understand about now, Sheldon?!"

  I looked back down at my watch again. "Sir, you said ten minutes," I retorted in my own defense. Popping his head back out into the hallway, Cooper's eyes were bulging. That was my sign not to push him this morning.

  "Coming," I responded to his silent death threat.

  "I think this is considered employee cruelty," I muttered to myself as I walked down to his office.

  As I entered, I saw that he had made himself comfortable in his large leather chair. His desk planner was lying professionally across the large glass desktop and all of the new intake files were alphabetized in the standup organizer that sat proudly on the corner of his desk.

  I made a mental note to take the next few hours to arrange my desk so that it resembled his. Plus, now I knew that holder was for more than just storing unwanted mail.

  "Come in, take a seat." Mr. Cooper flung his hand out as he brought his cup up to his lips, taking a small sip of the steaming java.

  "Morning, sir."

  I could hear the effects of a sleepless night still visible in my throaty morning voice.

  Sitting his chair to the upright position, he reached into his standing organizer and pulled out a file. "I have a case that has been brought to my attention and I think it would be right up your alley."

  Mr. Cooper tossed the folder to the edge of the desk as I sat up, intrigued to discover what his perception of what I would find appealing consisted of.

  Opening the file, my eyes went directly to the picture. There, in the black and white mug-shot styled photo, was a woman. I noticed right away from the appearance of her sunken in, barely opened eyes, she was blind.

  I stared at the photo. The woman was a mess. Her hair was knotted to the point that it stood straight out. I could see that the top of her non-collared hospital robe held large, splotched stains which translated to me that she was unwilling to take proper care of herself. Most of my cases had disabilities, but they were self-sufficient. This woman was quite the opposite. Her face was grimaced and there was no smile on her lips.

  "Husband and eight month old son were killed in a car accident. She's been hospitalized in the county ward since being released from the hospital a year and a half ago. Aside from being blind, she's quite competent to live a full life. She's made the choice to stay there. Ran her family off, her best friend stopped coming to see her… she doesn't have contact with anyone anymore. That's where you come in, Sheldon."

  I raised my head, pulling my brows together in confusion as I tossed the file back at him without saying a word. He didn't say a word either; we just sat there and looked at each other.

  Mr. Cooper had always been a man of little words, he didn't need them. Usually, he got right to the point and did so without a filter. He didn't give a shit if he made you happy or pissed you off, he said what he had to say and you took it however you wanted to take it.

  So, him sitting there, staring at me and not saying anything else, kind of shocked me. I grabbed the file back and looked again, wondering what this had to do with me and my services.

  Then, it hit me.

  No…he couldn't really think…

  "I'm putting this case on your rotation."

  Yep, he did think what I thought he was thinking. Had he lost his mind? I didn't have an iota worth of knowledge on how to work with the blind. I worked with mental health issues, not physical issues.

  I stood up quickly and tossed the file back down on his desk. I knew this was my boss but I was quietly wishing that someone would pop out, yelling that I was being pranked.

  "Mr. Cooper, sir, with all due respect, there's no way in hell I can help this woman. I mean, come on…I don't have any experience in this field and you know that," I finished and noticed that I was pacing around the room. I really needed this job but this was someone's disability and life that we were talking about. Not only was this subject to
uchy, it was vital that this woman receive the services she needed to get back on her feet with confidence and qualified instruction.

  And, in this case, that instructor was not me.

  "Sorry to hear her tragic story, but I can't do it."

  He didn't respond verbally, he didn't have to. What was said was what he had to say and that was it. Cooper sat up, pulling his glasses off his face. I knew this couldn't be good. He placed his elbows on top of his desk as he threw his glasses down beside him.

  "What the hell is that supposed to mean, Sheldon." It wasn't a question, but a statement. I needed to think on my response very carefully.

  I have been an occupational therapist for years but have only been with this office going on two years. I was still on the fence with Cooper, so I didn't know if I should buck the system or not.

  I decided to go another way with this situation.

  "Sir, if I could show you my schedule, you would see that I can't fit another client in even if I wanted to."

  The smile that crossed his face I had only seen one other time since I had been here when he ended up kicking Monroe out on his ass. I was waiting for him to do the same to me. Cooper's eyes left me and went straight to his computer. His fingers flew over the keys a couple of times before his eyes came back in my direction.

  "Done!" he exclaimed.

  What did he mean "done"? Was I supposed to take that as a threat? Should I ask or just get up and walk out?

  "Sir, what-"

  "Your caseload has become twenty-three cases lighter," he interrupted.

  Lighter? Wait…that was practically all my cases! Some of those cases I had been working on for years now. Was he serious? I stood up, ready to plead my case. He couldn't do this to me just because one ridiculous woman was acting like a two year old and throwing a year and a half temper tantrum. He needed to stick someone else on this case!

  "Sir–"

  "Nope, no sir required."

  "That wasn't a grateful sir, sir. Can I have a moment to say something?"

  That smile came back to his face and I knew then I was screwed. My moment was over. Therefore, I nodded a small nod as I grabbed the case file off of his desk and headed for the door.

  Just as I was about to walk out, Cooper called my name. Hesitantly, I turned around to look at him. The smile left his face and his eyes met mine, showing me he was serious about what he was about to say.

  "I picked you because I think you are this woman's last chance. She's given up, Ollie. She's lost every ounce of hope. And, I've reviewed your cases…you have a gift."

  Well, at least someone believes I can do this.

  At this point, I was beat. There was no other way out of this. I didn't know what the hell I was doing when it came to the rehab, so I figured I was going to have to spend the rest of my afternoon on research. I turned around to give him my full attention. I noticed his expression, his face was grim, expressionless, just like the woman in the picture.

  He felt sympathy for this woman. This was not the man that I usually spoke to. Most of the time, I would only get an invitation into this office because I'd broken some rule or regulation. I felt a chill run down my back, he meant every word he had said.

  I rolled my eyes, blew out a breath, and finished off with only one phrase.

  "I guess I'm going meet my new client."

  * * *

  Signing in at the county hospital wasn't unusual. I didn't do it frequently, but I had dealt with some of the patients here before. As I was signing in on the clipboard, the two nurses behind the welcome station were watching as I wrote down my name and who I would be seeing. Just as I finished, their whispers suddenly became giggles and one even pointed straight at me as the other laughed in her ear. I looked behind me, thinking maybe someone was making odd gestures. There was no one. For whatever reason, they were laughing at me.

  Once they gained their composure, one nurse handed me a visitor's badge and I headed toward the hallway she directed me to. Her words were precise and direct, I was to look for the nurse's station there and they would take me to Mrs. Saxon's room. I walked, keeping my eyes down at my file as to not intrude on any surrounding patients.

  I came to the station and approached with my usual smiling face. I always thought that my smile could tame a lion. Needless to say, we were just about to find out if that theory was true.

  The nurse that I stood in front of was an older woman. Her silver hair was pulled up in a tight bun, not one strand out of place. Her green scrubs looked pressed and starched. I quickly thought to myself that she should be home baking cookies instead of working here. I fixed my tie and went to speak.

  "I know who you're here for and I think I better warn you, son… you need to be prepared for anything," the nice old lady said in a husky voice before I could say a word. Not only was I thrown off by the deep tone, but also what would I need to prepare myself for. Mrs. Saxton was in a room no bigger than my office, it wasn't like she had an arsenal of guns in there.

  "Thank you, but I think I will be fine. Can you show me where her room is?" The loving smile was once again back in place and made me feel more comfortable as she stepped out from behind the desk. I followed her down the hallway. I could hear sporadic yelling and hollering coming from rooms we passed through closed doors. We turned down another long corridor and I could hear what sounded like music mixed with static. It was jumbled and hard to understand, as though it was playing through an alarm clock radio. As we got closer to the end of the hallway, the music grew louder.

  "She's at the end of the hallway, you can't miss it… you will walk straight into the door. I'm going to wait outside, I have a feeling you won't be in there very long," the nurse stated as she chuckled.

  The feeling that Mrs. Saxton was going to be difficult rushed through my mind one last time as I nodded to the older nurse. As we approached, the nurse retrieved a giant key ring from her pocket and found the exact key that would fit the door. The noise that emanated from the room was so loud now, I could barely hear myself think. As the door opened, I couldn't believe what I was walking into.

  The room was a mess. I almost was taken aback by the overpowering smell of filth and bad hygiene. I attempted to hold my breath, but it didn't do a lot to help the situation. Papers, dirty dishes, and trash lined the floor. I couldn't see one square of tile under all the rubbish that lay on the ground. The room was bathed in light. Everywhere you looked sat a lamp, there must've been twenty of them. There was so much light, the room actually felt was warm. And, it was loud. The radio in the corner were blaring heavy metal while the television volume was at full blast. I looked over to the other corner where another radio sat on the floor turned on and playing a completely different song. This one was clear, just very loud. As I turned, there sat another small radio…the room was covered in them. I almost wanted to cover my ears, the room was complete chaos.

  I heard the sound of the door locking as I looked around, attempting to find Mrs. Saxton. She was nowhere to be found. This was impossible. The woman was blind…and locked in here. I pushed the garbage aside with my feet as I treaded throughout the small room to see if I could find her anywhere.

  "Mrs. Saxton?" I yelled over the noise. "My name is Oliver…Oliver Sheldon. I'm here just to talk with you for a moment." I wasn't surprised when no one responded. I trudged through more trash as I turned to look behind a chair. Empty. I made my way around thinking maybe she was hiding under the bed. "Mrs. Saxton, you don't have to be afraid. I'm not going to hurt you," I said as I bent down to look under the bed. "Are you under here?" I whispered as I bent down, taking a peek. There was nothing. "Mrs. Saxton…" I started just as I felt something hit me in the back of my head. Suddenly, the lights dimmed to black.

  Chapter 6

  I had to laugh, they sent someone else in. Another doctor… another stranger to pour my heart out to, like that was going to break me. If I wouldn't see or talk to my own family, why the hell would they think I'd talk to a complete stranger
? At least this was a new one; I think I scared off all the others. I went back over to the corner of the room and slid down the wall that had become my secure area. Here is where I would spend my days and nights, just staring into the empty blackness. I knew there was light in here, I could feel the heat in the room from the lamps, but it didn't help. Even today, I was sure if I could fit a couple more in here I would be able to see a shadow, but the dicks that ran this place told me I had reached my limit.

  I thought back to the doctor that had come in earlier, I think his name was Sheldon; he never knew what hit him. I pictured him gently tip-toeing around the room, putting all his strength and trust in the one sense that was nothing more than nature's idea of a practical joke- his eyes. He thought he'd find me by looking for me, but I knew this room like the back of my hand. It was hard not to, I paced it over and over again for the past year and a half. I knew where everything was placed since I had strategically placed it there on purpose.

  I could feel the vibration of footsteps on the cement as they approached my door. I'm sure they were coming to tell me what kind of damage I had done to that poor doctor, but I wouldn't give them a chance. As soon as I heard what direction their voices were coming from, they'd get hit upside the head as well. The sounds of the television and radio couldn't drown out the sound of the key as it turned in the door. The pressure difference that was caused from the door opening made a suction sound as they pulled it open. I knew someone was in here and by the masculine smell of cedar, I could tell it was a man. I could feel the calm breeze blow by me as he passed, they never looked behind them that was why I sat back here.

  "Hope?" I recognized that voice, it was Doc Underwood's voice. He was one of the main medical doctor's here in this hospital and the one who would check my eyes after my surgeries to see if they were healing. I liked him... okay, I didn't have an issue with him. His voice brought me back to the matter at hand.

  "I don't know where you are in here, but I know for a fact you can hear my voice. You hurt Mr. Sheldon. He had to have stitches in the back of his head from the mug you threw at him. So, from now on, you will be getting your drinks in plastic cups. As for the violence, Hope, it's not going to be tolerated. For your actions, you will lose one of your lamps. I've never had an issue with you, but this behavior…it isn't you. You are an outgoing, nonviolent, loving person–"