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  Envisioning Hope

  Envisioning Hope Copyright © 2014 by Tracy Lee.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events or locales is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book, or portions thereof, in any form. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical without the express written permission of the author. The scanning, uploading and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

  This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're selling this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to company from which it was obtained from and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  The unauthorized reproduction of or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright, infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in Federal prison and a fine of up to $250,000.

  Cover Art Design: Sprinkles on Top Studios LLC

  Cover Art Illustrations: Sprinkles on Top Studios LLC

  Editor: WordNerd Editing

  Copyright © Jan. 09, 2014

  Published by: Tracy Lee

  Printed in (United States of America)

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  Acknowledgments

  Wow, it's so hard to believe that this book is done! The list of my gratitude has seemed to grow longer and longer with each book but I feel so blessed to have the privilege of calling these people friends.

  First and foremost, I have to thank my "Sisters from the heart" Isabella Rae and Nicky Jayne. We have come so far on together on this journey and I couldn't think of two more special ladies that I would want to continue on with. We ain't stopping until we've reached the top…together! Love you both!!

  To my editor Monica over at Word Nerd Editing, you did such a beautiful job! Much appreciation and gratitude.

  As always to Sarah over at Sprinkles on Top Studios for another breathtaking cover. I will never find a better cover artist, I am forever in your debt for making my books so much more amazing!

  My WONDERFUL assistant Amy C. If it wasn't for you, I'd forget to screw my head on in the morning!! Thank you for all your hard work and devotion! There isn't enough money in the world to repay you for all you have done for me.

  I have to thank my street team!!! I love all you ladies: Crystal, Erica, Athena, Amy, Rebekkah, Michelle, Donna! Y'all are amazing and I appreciate all the pimping you do for me.

  Thank you to the bloggers out there that helped with the cover reveal and the release. Angie's Reading Dungeon, The Book Diaries, Chicks Controlled by Books, A One-Click Addicts Book Blog( If I didn't mention you, I'm sorry) but I appreciate all your hard work.

  To my dear friend Marion who always pushes me to take what is in my head and make it into some sort of sense on paper.

  To my "older" sister, Trish…Thank you for allowing me to come into your family and call it my own. I am so grateful for all the great talks, the Sunday clean fests while we would jam to Elton John and Bad English. You made Christmas Eve's night of perfect giftwrapping a tradition in my house. I love you!!

  To ALL my readers… followers on Facebook, Twitter and Google plus. If it wasn't for you and your wonderful encouragement I'd probably still have these characters all cramped up in my head!

  I can't tell you enough that I love you from the bottom of my heart!!!

  Without Hope you have nothing!

  Dedication

  I have to dedicate this book to an amazing woman, a dear friend of mine that was taken way too early from this world, a sister that was not connected to me by blood but by something far more special, a connection fashioned by destiny that pulled two strangers together and created a bond that still today has never been severed.

  My dearest Patti, I miss you today as much as I did the day you left us. Your force still shines bright daily as I see something that reminds me of you. I never got the chance to say goodbye so this book is my farewell to you; my healing. You are in my thoughts every day and will continue to be until I'm done breathing.

  You imprinted your smile on this world but it wasn't big enough for you, you needed bigger…God gave you endless, honey. Go with it and be happy!!

  I love you, my friend.

  To Patti

  12/14/67- 3/30/10

  Chapter 1

  I could hear the church bells ringing repeatedly from the room I was standing in. I couldn't believe the day was finally here, I was going to be Mrs. Charlie Saxton. My reflection stared back at me as I took in every inch of my image. I was no knockout, but I had to admit, I looked like a fairytale princess in the long gown and veil that fell to the middle of my back. I admired the intricate beading that was sewn into the tulle that covered my upper chest as I wondered just how handsome Charlie looked in his black tuxedo.

  "Hope, you're going to be late to your own wedding if you don't hurry and get dressed," my sister, Faith, mumbled just as fast as she ran around the room looking for the flower girl's bouquet.

  "Faith, I can't get over this dress…it's not like I'll get another chance to wear it, I want to savor the moment." I defended my actions by running my hands down the skirt, feeling the silk slide under my fingers as it poofed out from the hooped garment underneath. I felt my sister's arm come around my center as her head popped up behind mine in the mirror.

  "You make a beautiful bride, sis," Faith whispered as she placed a small kiss on my cheek. My mind was overwhelmed with all that was happening. I fought back the tears threatening to ruin my makeup; I wanted Charlie to see me perfect. Closing my eyes, I covered Faith's hands with mine. The cold metal from her class ring pressed into the skin of my palm as we concluded our moment.

  Faith and I had always been close; you had to be when you were named after the two most important emotions in the world. If my parents would've had a third child, I'd have felt sorry for her. She would've had to walk around with the name Love all her life. Our family had always been close, we loved each other just as hard as we fought with one another for what we thought was right. My mom used to tell us that was what made our family special; we could fight with the best of them, but finding the courage to say we were sorry was what made us unique.

  Filling my lungs with a fresh intake of air, I thought about the first time I had met Charlie. I didn't want to go out that Saturday night, but my best friend, Libby, talked me into it. I saw the group of teens standing in front of the movie theater. Some I recognized, others I didn't. As we approached, his eyes caught mine. I noticed the growing smile on his face matched the gleam in his eye. He was amazingly handsome, jet black hair with blue eyes that were almost crystal clear. The thought of those eyes looking at me sent a chill over my skin. I knew I would never grow sick of looking deep into his gaze.

  From that day on, we were never apart. Six years later, and here we were, him standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for me as though he had been waiting for me all his life. So patiently, so lovingly.

  The ushers
opened the sanctuary doors and I heard the song that I had specifically picked out to walk down the aisle to begin to play. The tones of the violin and cello blended so well, it was as if I was floating on air as we walked down the middle of the church. All were standing, so I wasn't able to see Charlie yet. I wrapped my hand around my dad's arm as he placed a kiss on my forehead. "You look like an angel, honey." I could see his eyes were watering up. Quickly, I turned my head and held my breath. I was not going to cry, I told myself over and over again, as if saying it would make the tears stay away. I turned back to him and offered up a silent smile. I was afraid to say a word, I was barely holding on to my composure as it was.

  We began the march down the aisle. Looking at the passing faces, some recognizable…some not, I could see approval in all of their smiles. I offered a small nervous smile in return. I began to question myself about what Charlie would think when he saw me for the first time. Would he think I looked beautiful? Having never seen my dress or my accessories, would he approve of my choices? I gripped my dad's arm tighter, giving him most of my weight. I could feel the anxiety building in my stomach. Suddenly, it became twenty degrees hotter in this church. This sanctuary that sat four hundred easily became a tiny room that could only hold ten. I began chastising myself for not just having a small ceremony downtown at the courthouse.

  This walk seemed like it was continual; the white runner that lay beneath my white shoes seeming to go on and on, never coming to an end. I wouldn't be able to see my husband-to-be until I passed the last pew and turned to advance to the front of the church. My eyes went back and forth from side to side, making contact with the large white lily arrangements that were centered at the end of every pew.

  Finally, we came to the last bench, turning to proceed to the front of the church when my eyes aligned with Charlie's. In that very moment, every drop of nervousness I was feeling dissipated. I became overwhelmed with the emotion of being filled with nothing but pure love for this man in front of me. I couldn't catch my breath. There he stood, in front of five of his closest friends and family with his hands linked in front of him. The black double breasted tuxedo with the long tails that he had chosen suited him well. I could never in a million years have imagined how handsome he looked standing in front of me, his smile beaming just as bright as his eyes. The tears began to form in my eyes as I smiled back just as big. I couldn't wait any longer to be next to him. I began pulling my dad quickly but elegantly just so I could reach him faster.

  In that moment, I knew that this was right, me with Charlie. This was not going to be some marriage that if it turned bad we could just part ways, this was really going to be forever. Just like my mom and dad, there was no turning around and walking away with the two of them. They made the commitment and that was the only one they would ever make.

  My dad placed my hand in Charlie's and I closed my eyes at the sensation that drifted through me. As of today, this was my husband. I looked at his clean shaven face and wanted nothing more than to run my hand against his skin. I allowed my eyes to take in every inch of him. He placed his other hand behind my elbow and helped me up the stairs where the pastor was standing. I wasn't about to turn around to look at who was behind us, they didn't matter to me; this was our time. I felt Cameron, my cousin, fix my train as we had practiced the night before as Charlie continued to lead me up the steps.

  The music stopped and my senses were on full alert. I could hear the scrambling of bodies as they were being seated. I looked at Charlie and smiled. Leaning down closer to me, he whispered in my ear, "Baby, love the dress, but after this…it's getting wrinkled." I held back my laugh as best I could but I was not going to argue with that.

  The sound of the pastor's voice brought my attention back to reality, "Dearly, Beloved…"

  * * *

  "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, for the very first time as man and wife, Mister and Misses Charles Saxton!"

  The applause and whooping echoed throughout the hallway of the hotel as we opened the door to enter the banquet hall. Charlie raised our joined hands as I joined in on the whooping and hollering. I was ready for a drink and a dance floor. Looking around at the full room, I locked my eyes on the bar that was straight across from our table. I let go of Charlie's hand and he turned his head in my direction.

  "Where do you think you're off to?" Charlie said as he grabbed my hand again. I turned his over to admire the ring that I had placed on his hand not even two hours ago. The flash of the photographer's camera made me close my eyes as I looked up into Charlie's face. I had just about had enough of the camera going off every thirty seconds, but I knew that one day I would want to look back on the pictures and not want to miss a moment of it.

  "I'm just going to the bar, babe. Remember, we need to mingle," I said as I leaned up, placing a kiss on his cheek. The photographer, of course, was there to catch the only moment I thought we had to ourselves. Charlie rolled his eyes as he let go of my hand and walked off to find his brother, Chase.

  Heading up to the bar, my best friend, Libby, met me up there. "What'll it be?" I heard her ask as if she was going to be the making the order. "Wanna do a shot?" I replied, knowing that I was going to be ordering one with or without her. "Same one as always?" Ah, she knew me so well. I just nodded in response. "Bartender, can we get two shots of tequila? And make hers a double." I smiled at her and she smiled back. Libby and I had been best friends since freshman year of high school. When I first met her, I really didn't care for her, but as time went on, she kind of grew on me and now we were inseparable. We attended the same college and had become business partners for a small interior design agency in downtown Charlotte. Business was good and I never had issues with Libby. We knew each other's quirks and we respected them.

  "To married life. Welcome to the team," Libby toasted as her glass clinked with mine. Libby had been married now for about two years. She married her college boyfriend, Bobby. They decided to marry right after graduation. When it came to Charlie and me, we wanted to wait until both of us were settled in our careers. My business was doing great and on the up and up while Charlie was head of the I.T. department where he worked, so we were both ready to be settled into married life.

  "Thank you, glad you kept my seat warm." I poured the clear liquid down my throat and closed my eyes, waiting for the heat to settle in. I held my glass up to the bartender for another round. His eyes came to mine and he nodded his acknowledgement while the lady he was taking an order from kept on as though she never lost his attention. I turned around in my seat and looked out at the dance floor. Charlie was dancing with his grandmother. Being eighty-eight, I was thrilled she lived long enough to see her oldest grandchild get married. I knew it brought her complete happiness. Charlie looked my way and winked. I smiled. No words had to be said between us, we knew what each other meant. That was one of the many reasons why I loved him so much.

  "What'cha thinkin'?" Libby's voice invaded my thoughts and I turned to look at her. How could I ever explain to her the level of happiness I was feeling right now? "Nothing, just happy," was all that I could say. Libby looked at me and smiled. She understood. "Double shot of tequila for the bride, extra heavy shot for the matron of honor," the bartender said as he laid the napkins down and placed the glasses on top of them. I looked back between Libby and my husband a few times before I raised my glass for a toast.

  "To happiness, may it always be this good."

  "I'll toast to that, sister!"

  Chapter 2

  Five Years Later

  "I'm home!"

  Those words still brought chills to my skin and made my heart skip a beat. I heard the front door close then Charlie's keys hit the glass bowl that sat on the entry's side table. I saw Sawyer's head peek up out of his crib as he began to pull himself up to a standing position. I didn't usually stay in his room while he napped, but I was sitting in the rocking chair looking over some ideas for a job I was getting ready to place a quote on.

  It was quie
t up here when he slept. The only sound was the whisper of my son's breath filling his lungs and then leaving in a rhythm that brought me comfort.

  It was hard to believe where five years had brought us. After our wedding, we bought a home and continued on as normal. Long nights at work and going out to the same places started to become monotonous to the both of us. I had begun to think of ways to break up the likeness that had become our life. Over dinner one night, I brought up the subject on maybe beginning to think about starting a family. I was ready to argue stating the pros and cons of the situation, but it wasn't necessary.

  Charlie's response just proved another reason on why I loved him as much as I did. Setting his silverware down, he took the napkin from his lap and stood. This action caught me off guard. Walking over to me, he reached for my hand. Without questioning him, I placed my hand in his and allowed him to lead me up the stairs where he gently gave me his answer, over and over again.

  We continued trying for four more years. I began to worry, but explained it away to the both of us still not being fully ready. Work was hectic. If I got a minute to myself, I made sure that it included Charlie. His schedule was full so that moment turned out to be more of a quickie then a baby making session, which led me to believe we needed a break from practicing. Eventually, this plan ended up replacing our dull, predictable everyday routine.

  Our love was still strong but we had what we wanted: a life together and a love that was just as strong today as it was the day we said I do. We had a home that was filled with the characteristics of two loving, strong families that had been brought together by us and jobs that we decided to make more of a priority than the idea of having children.

  It ended up taking Charlie surprising me with a week's vacation for our anniversary last year for me to relax enough to let it happen. And it did happen. I got pregnant with our son, Sawyer. The sound of the crib's mattress being jumped on brought me back to the reality that my son was excited to see his daddy.